Meraki

What if we were brave…

What do you do when grief overwhelms you?

How do you get out of bed when you face another day of pain?

How do you pray when you feel like your drowning?

Creating is healing for me, and probably many of you.  I started Meraki during a hard time in my life.  What was supposed to help me keep moving forward during a time of grief, has turned into a full time business, a community of friends, and the opportunity to share my story with others who are hurting.  

My new line coming out is titled Brave.  It is a part of my story.  I called this line Brave because for so long I have been scared to share my story.  It takes courage to talk about the fractured, broken parts of your life.   

I didn’t really know who I was

In 2018 I wanted to start a business.  But I was going to wait until everything was perfect.  I was going to name my business “ Kameruka” which means “wait until I come home.”  It was going to be about my homeland Australia.  My roots.  My home.  My family.    

Then one day I woke up without all of those things.  

Losing someone is painful.  When leaving is their choice, you can find yourself feeling like something is wrong with you. You start to believe you aren’t worth loving. You start to think you are broken.

 What happened next is Meraki Pottery…

I had spent my life being what I thought people needed me to be.  Then suddenly it was just me and the question “who am I without them?” haunted me. I didn’t really know who I was.

Meraki.  “To put a piece of yourself in your work.”  This word became my silent theme.  Meraki would be my journey to learn who I was and create pieces that reflected my story.  I would reclaim things that brought me sorrow and turn them into pieces of art that would bring me and others joy.  I would turn my pain into something beautiful and find myself along the way. I chose florals from my home. The bottlebrush I would pick for my pet lorikeet as a child had brought such sweet memories and now brought sorrow. It was a reminder of the garden I would never see again. So I started drawing these florals. I started claiming them as mine and turning them into something beautiful I could share.

Then in the mist of all the pain, I miscarried our first child.  We were going to name her Marietta.  She was our first. I treasure the time I had with her.  She helped me through a hard and dark time.  For a little over 3 months she was a reason to smile and laugh when everything around me was falling apart. She helped me understand love and forever made me a mother. Then she was gone.

The following morning I woke up.  Went to the studio.  And touched clay for the first time in 3 years.  What happened next is Meraki Pottery.  

How can I be brave when Im terrified?

In ancient Spain, during the Renaissance era, sculptors would often fill in mistakes they made with wax to hide defects in their work. When the works were exposed to sunlight, the wax would dissolve, revealing all faults. This is where it is believed the word “sincere” came from, meaning, “without wax” or “sun tested.”  What if we embraced the cracks and flaws as a part of our story? What if we were honest? What if we were sincere? What if we were brave?

My goal with this new line, Brave, is to create pieces of art that will daily remind us that our imperfections and broken pieces are all a part of a bigger, more beautiful story. We all are a little broken. We all have a story. And that is beautiful.  

This project is so very dear to me. It has been in my head and my heart for a few years, but fear has held me back so many times. I am still learning how to be vulnerable as an artist and hope to grow through this process and become a more transparent person. I titled this collection Brave, because sometimes just being your honest self feels brave. We often feel broken, damaged and without value. I have been inspired by the Japanese art of putting broken pieces of pottery back together with gold, and want to use the metaphor of kintsugi to encourage others to embrace their story and accept their broken pieces as beautiful. Just because we have been broken doesn’t mean that we are worthless. We are created to be individuals and we all have value! When we are willing to expose our flaws in the sun and be sincere about the cracks, we are often able to be more compassionate, loving and understanding towards others.

Different things can cause cracks. For me it was letting others’ words about me become my truth until I saw myself as broken. Verbal abuse is a powerful thing. It bruises the heart and wounds the soul. It can break you until you don’t know who you are anymore.  Invisible wounds are heavy to carry and sometimes you don’t even know they are there. For so long, I thought I had to be perfect to have value. I thought if people saw the cracks they would leave; some people did leave. But others showed me what unconditional love looks like. They spoke truth to me until I saw myself as valuable again.

In a world of Instagram, Hollywood and Photoshop, it is easy to pretend we are perfect. We show the world what we want them to see. We hide behind filters and pretend we don’t make mistakes. We try to fill in the cracks with wax and cross our fingers that it doesn’t dissolve in the sun. But we cannot fix our flaws by hiding them. Why not learn to love the awkward, the mistakes, and the flaws. Why not learn to see value in others for something besides their appearance, social media presence or picture perfect life. Why not learn how to come alongside each other with compassion, love, and encouragement, and maybe learn how to just sit with someone in the uncomfortable and the tears.  

With time, the very things in life that caused me pain taught me how to be more loving and compassionate to others. The grief I wished away so many nights, helped me know how to comfort others. The loss I have faced has made me more thankful for the many blessings I do have. I thought I was broken. I tried to hide my cracks with wax. But I see now when I share my pain those cracks are exposed and filled with gold. By being vulnerable about my flaws I am able to encourage others so much more than I ever could when I was pretending to be perfect. Just like pottery is stronger where the gold filled in the cracks, what once was my weakness is now my greatest strength.  

Your story’s journey is as beautiful and important as it’s ending.

I could just show you a finished, professionally photographed piece of art. But that isn’t life. Life is the messy journey. It’s the long nights and early mornings at the studio. It’s the broken vessels, the dropped buckets of glaze, and working out of bottles of cold water because you don’t have a working sink. Here is the imperfect process of creating art! Isn’t it beautiful? Doesn’t it make you appreciate the final product even more?

The messy journey we all go through in life is beautiful. There is beauty in the process and growth in the mistakes.

Your story’s journey is just as beautiful and important as its ending.

I felt like I was drowning. I had no voice…

November 8th 2018. My family chose to no longer have a relationship with me. I saw myself as unlovable. Broken. Without value. I let others words about me become my truth. Anxiety and fear overwhelmed me. I felt like I was drowning. I had no voice.

On November 8th I began a long messy journey that has lead me to freedom and joy. My friends have become my family. Art has become my voice. And I have found comfort in the arms of my heavenly Father. I now know that I have value and am loved. This day is no longer a day of pain, but a day of healing, freedom, and beauty.

SPECIAL THANKS

This program is funded in part by the Metropolitan Arts Council which receives support from the City of Greenville, BMW Manufacturing Company, Michelin North America, Inc., SEW Eurodrive and the South Carolina Arts Commission.